Dear Eric: I have been married to a wonderful woman for more than 50 years. About five years ago, I discovered that she spends more than $4,000 a year on vitamins and supplements. She hid these purchases from me by putting a small amount of the bill on a credit card and paying the rest in cash.
She buys them from her chiropractor who has supplied them for more than 30 years. I knew she went to the chiropractor about once a month, but I had no idea about the amount she was spending.
I feel it is unethical for a doctor to recommend supplements and then sell them to clients. Now I have tried to get her to reduce her intake, or shop around for better prices or get a second opinion about her needs. She refuses and tells me the guy only sells natural products that are the best. I really believe the guy has some kind of hold or spell on her.
I have talked to her psychologist about this. He agrees with me but can’t seem to fix it. I would like your thoughts. I am ready to go my separate way over this. Twenty more years of $4,000 a year is more than I can accept.
– Desperate Husband
Dear Husband: I agree that this chiropractor’s methods seem more than suspect. If she was able to buy these supplements from anywhere, it would be a different story. I would love for her to find a second opinion.
However, with regard to your marriage, I’m going to play chiropractor’s advocate for a second. It’s telling that she hid these purchases – it indicates she knows they were suspicious and that should be cause for concern. But I’m not sure it’s cause for the dissolution of your marriage. If you’d never discovered this, would you have known? It doesn’t seem to have made a dent in your budget. So, perhaps the issue is the deception and not the expense.
The bottom line: you and your wife should be honest with each other. At the same time, you should ask yourself whether this admittedly strange habit is worth throwing away 50 years of marriage.
Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.
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