Action movies are great for aptronym names. To the uninitiated, those are names that are perfect for their owner. It would be like if a man named Todd Flowers became a florist or if Kevin Bacon had gone down the path of butchery instead of acting. For instance, Han Solo’s last name is a pretty solid indicator of how he lives his life (save for the presence of his trusty pal Chewbacca). But those aren’t the only type of great action movie names. There are also those that elide well, those that have a rhyme scheme working for them, and those that benefit from alliteration. Those are all the types of goofball action movie names that follow, and they’re unforgettable.
There are so many great action movie character names that we did have some that just missed the cut. To that point, the honorable mentions are Sylvester Stallone’s Robert Rath in Assassins, Arnold Schwarzenegger’s Jack Slater in Last Action Hero, and Nicolas Cage’s Dr. Stanley Goodspeed and Memphis Raines in, respectively, The Rock and Gone in 60 Seconds.
10) John Matrix in Commando
Supposedly a sequel to Commando is on the way. And, while it doesn’t end on a note that forbids a sequel, we’re not seeing the point the way we see the point of Arnold Schwarzenegger returning to the role of Dutch Schaefer.
Let the original Commando be the very ’80s product of its time it is. Just listen to that soundtrack, it has to be the most ’80s soundtrack in cinema history and thank goodness for that because it’s unforgettable. Similarly unforgettable is the last name Matrix. Even better is the fact that those behind the name didn’t know just how action movie-fitting this surname would become in 1999, when it became a word that revolutionized the genre.
Stream Commando on AMC+.
9) Lincoln Hawk in Over the Top
Some people really like Over the Top, and while it’s not hard to see its retro nostalgia charms, it’s still a movie about arm wrestling. It’s really hard to make arm wrestling play as intense on the big screen.
But at least his name is Lincoln Hawk. That is the exact name of a person who would say this: “I just try to take my hat and I turn it around, and it’s like a switch that goes on. And when the switch goes on, I feel like another person. I feel…I don’t know. I feel like a…like a truck. Like a machine.” The same goes for “I always wanted to be a milk shake.”
Stream Over the Top for free with ads on The Roku Channel.
8) Chev Chelios in Crank
Crank isn’t quite the most unpleasant movie on this list (though its sequel is even less tasteful), but its close. Even still, it allowed Jason Statham to command the screen in a role decidedly different from his Frank Martin in The Transporter, so there’s merit to it for giving audiences a taste of his versatility as a leading man.
But, even more importantly, Chev Chelios is officially the only name on this list that serves as a case of alliteration. It’s also certainly unique to his English heritage, considering Chelios is Greek and Chev is…short for Chevy?
Stream Crank on MovieSphere+.
7) John Spartan in Demolition Man
The last name Spartan is very fitting for the out of his time character in Demolition Man. This is an aptronym name, through and through.
John Spartan is a lawman, but one who doesn’t always play by the rules and the mayor’s going to have a fit over this newest stunt and blah blah blah. Now he’s been frozen and awoken in a world that no longer tolerates his stunts. It doesn’t even tolerate cursing. But now that Wesley Snipes’ Simon Phoenix (another great name) has been awoken, they need a Spartan, someone who will face death without an ounce of fear in him.
Stream Demolition Man for free with ads on YouTube TV.
6) Mason Storm in Hard to Kill
If you’ve ever seen a clip of Steven Seagal running awkwardly up a hill or punching a piece of wood with rope tied around it, that’s Hard to Kill. Outside Under Siege it may very well be the definitive Seagal movie. It’s the one many of his fans think of when asked to picture one of his movies.
It also comes with a pretty “good” character name for Seagal in Mason Storm. It’s especially fitting considering it ends on the note of Mason storming the villain’s mansion.
5) Johnny Utah in Point Break
One of the most stylish and likable action films of the ’90s, Point Break is a movie that coasts on the chemistry between Keanu Reeves, Patrick Swayze, and Lori Petty and its fantastic surfing/skydiving/chase sequences. It was also the breakthrough into the action genre Reeves needed.
And what a name to break into the industry with. Johnny Utah? It’s as if his parents knew that one day he’d be infiltrating a group of surfing bank robbers and decided to give him one of the most surfer names that has ever surfed. It’s not a persona he adopts; that’s his name before he even learns of the assignment from his partner, Angelo Pappas.
Stream Point Break on Hulu.
4) Machete in Machete
One of the best action movies of the 2010s, Machete may very well be Robert Rodriguez’s magnum opus. It’s as if someone slammed millions of dollars on a table in front of him and said, “Do whatever the hell you want.”
It’s entertaining front to back, ludicrous at every turn, and finally gave longtime supporting player Danny Trejo the lead role he deserved. And what was that role? Machete, who he also played (a toned-down version of) years before in Spy Kids. Technically, his name is Isador Cortez, but not one person calls him that. He’s just Machete. That’s what he carries, that’s what he’s called, and he don’t text.
Stream Machete on fuboTV.
3) Vilain in The Expendables 2
It’s only fitting that the best villain of the Expendables franchise gets the best name of the franchise. And that’s no small compliment, considering Jason Statham’s character is named Lee Christmas, Jet Li’s is Yin Yang, Randy Couture’s is Toll Road, Terry Crews’ is Hale Caesar, and Bruce Willis’ is Mr. Church.
But Jean-Claude Van Damme’s Vilain is just night and day the best. That’s all you get, Vilain. No first name, no indication whether its just a nickname, nothing. All you need to do is here Vilain and get a full sense of what role he plays in the narrative. Plus, it’s just fun to grumble quote Stallone saying, “Get up, Villain.”
Stream The Expendables 2 on Netflix.
2) Marion Cobretti in Cobra
A must-see for fans of the Rambo franchise, Cobra is an important one in Sylvester Stallone’s filmography. Specifically, it amounts to his initial vision for Beverly Hills Cop before that project, thankfully, switched directions and became an Eddie Murphy vehicle.
This, like the next entry on our list, is an overly dour and extremely violent film, and it may be the definitive example of the Reagan era mentality that it’s best to shoot first and ask questions never. Regardless, it has three things working for it. One is Brian Thompson’s intimidating work as the “Night Slasher.” Two, there’s a scene where Stallone cuts a pizza with scissors. And three, he’s called “Cobra” because his full name is Marion Cobretti. It’s so cheeseball, like if his name was Jeffrey Water Moccasin and people took to calling him “Cottonmouth.”
1) Gino Felino in Out for Justice
In the canon of “Oh, come on” movie character names, there’s just no beating Gino Felino. And it’s in such an ultra-violent movie that takes itself so seriously.
Out for Justice has two things, a leaden lead character with a name that rhymes, and jarring scenes where the antagonist (played very well by William Forsythe) gets out of his car, grabs a woman in a nearby car by her hair, and shoots her in the head for honking her horn. In the pantheon of Seagal theatrical adventures, Out for Justice is the most viciously uncomfortable, but at least we get to laugh whenever someone talks about how Gino Felino is the man for the toughest jobs.
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